Childhood Woes

He was playing with the blocks, keeping yellow color block down, then the blue colour, then an yellow colour again. He would laugh at it with his hand stretched and topple everything. He will repeat all over again.
His father came near by and told him not to annoy him with the same play, and its not a smart kid will do.

There were some guests at home. The father asked him to recite the names of his mom, dad, little sister and then his grand pa and so on..
The same questions which his father asks him to say to every guest since the day he started uttering names.
Shall he ask his father not to annoy him with same questions??

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Childhood Woes

6 year old son – Papa, why do we go for vacation?
Papa – To relax and stay away from tension my dear son
6 year old son – Then can we leave mom here itself and take Anita (his girl friend) along with me
Papa - ?? (Overwhelmed look)
6 year old son – If you want you can bring Nancy (his office secretary) with you
Papa - ??? (Faints)

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Childhood Woes

Mama,
you told me that I can have the doggy Calcium Sandoz box only after the tablets are over. I keep forgetting to eat the tablets everyday. My teacher says I have traits of monkey. Monkeys do eat food and store in their mouth for later digestion. So only I ate 30 tablets at a go today. Now I don’t have to worry about forgetting the tablets and I also got the doggy box.
Why did you shout at me? Is it because you have lots of pressure at office and you reflect that on poor me?

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Annoying reasons

She could attribute it to a lot of his behaviour. She could not say which one annoyed her worst – the way he knocks her cabin as he goes past to his place or the sheepish smile with which he leaves when he overlooks at her monitor and finds her surfing NET during office hours, or when he comes and drinks her mineral water in her cabin everyday with his stomach rumbling in a queer way.

She came to know that he is going to get divorced in a month and the girl is happy about it. She felt a thorough evil glee. She started thinking of some more hollow reasons to justify her evil spur. Her evil glee was annoying her now.

Are you Good or Bad guy??

I saw my manager coming clean shaved with a big moustache right on Monday morning.
(he usually never comes so). All of a sudden I was reminded of Kamalhassan acting in the climax of Naayagan.( please ignore reading further if you dont know about the movie)

There was no one else in the elevator and he seemed to be smiling. I asked him " Neenga Nallavara Kettavara ??!!)"
[ Are you a good guy or a bad one]

He replied back " Enakku theriyalaye Devi " and he told probably you should check the appraisal ratings yourself to get to know me better :-)

This is what they call thalaiyila thaane mann alli pottukradhu ( do harm for ones own)

And do you really believe I could have told such a sarcastic comment on Monday morning?. I chose to shut up and just smile at him back sans my sarcasm.

A Rose is a Rose

She saw the beautiful Red Rose that she recieved on Valentine day. She maximized the picture on the monitor. Not real , but sure thing, it is very appealing. For no reason Oscar Wilde's story of "Nightingale and the Rose" crossed her mind, a short piece of classic that she had reread umpteen times during her teenhood.

She took a close view of the red rose again and chuckled at vanity. If only internet and mails were there during Oscar's period, the nightingale need not have sacrificed for the young student's Love. Just a forward of the mail would have done the job.

She deleted the mail from her computer and went for a tea break. The rose is still residing in her hard disk. After all A Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose even if its in jpeg format.

If only he could get him!!

He was in a hurry and just called up home. May be his wife can find out from his diary. He really needed his stock market agent’s phone number. He had a notion, in one week’s time; half of the stocks will be nothing but waste papers. It’s better sell and get something than to lose all.

He tried again and again only in vain. His wife didn’t pick the phone. When he finally reached her, she said she wont search for the phone number right then. Its Abi, she is admitted in hospital and her family is crying and she is really upset.

Oh my god, first he should sell off the television and then think about selling his stocks. He cursed the unknown person who invented TV serials. If only he could get him!!

Childhood Woes

Dear parents.
Kid's mind is very proactive and they correlate things in an incredible manner and astound you right at the moment and in a manner you wish they won't.

A letter from distressed daughter seeking truth of her father's statements

Dear mama,
I am sorry to bring this upon your notice, but I need your assistance. This is with regard to my merit reports. Whenever I come home with an obvious not so good merit report, father is illustrating me with a very long lecture and how good he was during his school days. My science Madame always insists us to go by facts and not hearsay. I have seen you fighting with father for reasons of lying or hiding things in running household or finance matters. Due to the above reasons, I would really like to see one of his merit cards and then listen to his long lectures.

P.S. – Not so good merit reports do not mean your daughter is not brilliant just like father. I assume father is not so brilliant from your daily complaints to grand mother.

Cheerfully
Ananya

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Height of Kalikaalam

It has become tougher for him to reach his targets. He has tried in various ways to convey benefits of his methods to people and show the ill effects that will prevail otherwise. Though he was not answerable to anyone in particular, his failures made him restless and more unproductive. Nothing seemed to budge. Since no straight forward path seemed to solve his problem, he started thinking at easier (shortcut) ways of stopping his rival to his own betterment.

Devil was laughing at God and his impossible targets of maintaining a floating population at heaven. Nobody can escape his clutches including God himself! If only God becomes more cunning, he could become his ally and together they can rule the world.

Height of Cloning

He didn’t know how this will be handled. He was rejected after standing so long in the queue now.
Whom should he blame now?
Should he put all the blame on his scientist, who worked on him diligently and created him to be the exact clone of Hitler? Should he put all the blame on the Republicans, who wanted the iconic character to come live and support their election rally for their wars against terrorism? Should he put the blame on the Jewish student who opened fire against him during the rally only because he looked like Hitler?

He didn’t do any harm during his short life span, and so he was initially asked to stand in the queue for heaven. But the gatekeeper rejected because he is Hitler and should be put in hell. After standing with so much of patience in the other queue, the gatekeeper @ HELL rejected him saying that they don’t accept DUPLICATES.

Where will he be sent now?? Readers help! GOD said he cannot help. He is not responsible as he didn’t create him.

Perfect killer

He loved to be very systematic and process driven. He was a perfectionist in killing and loved to be called so. Oh how good he loved to watch his victims confounded and perplexed and finally yield to his killing spree. His clean swipe without a trace earned him his boss’ appreciation every time and a voluminous bonus as well. This time he got an order to be executed at an independent house that has the Lake view. It should be an easier job, he thought. He need not bother about neighbors as in the case of apartments. He collected his equipments (‘twas his first love) and drove his machine (‘twas his first love) eager to do his job (‘twas his third love) and knocked at the home – Sir, is the home where you complained of the roaches??

Should the title be changed as Perfect Roaches killer

Childhood Woes

He wrote a letter and that was all. And suddenly became celebrity in the class. (All for wrong reasons as per his English Madame)

Here is how it goes...

Dear Madame,

I humbly request you to grant me exception from the forthcoming English mid term exa which is scheduled for afternoon. This is for genuine reason that, I would be falling sick during the exam. I would be falling sick because of the ill effects of morning's exam the same day which unfortunately is Math with polynomials in syllabus this time. I request you to save me from double trouble and concentrate on Math as my father is also teaching me the same this year. As you are my mom you could be a little more understanding of your loving son.

Yours truthfully
Sunil.

you wish that you are not son/ daughter of teachers and if so you don’t study in the same school.

He is helpless.

He couldn’t understand why his mom considered it so grave an issue. Yes, he admitted his wrong doing and felt very embarrassed at his younger sister’s cursive look, but he felt the hue and cry as exaggerate.
What can he do? He could manage during the day time but during night he did not have control. Probably he should arrest his temptation to drink too much. Or probably keep alarm in midnight so that he can attend to his nature calls instead of wetting his bed and find out only in the morning. He should ask his elder brother to keep alarm for him may be at 2:00 AM or is it PM?

Golden Girl

Her mom loved jewelry. She would say that probably mom was obsessed with jewels of all seasons and all kinds. So you would ask, what is the problem if moms love jewels??The point is that she became the field of experiment, sporting all kinds of accessories and set (wrong) model for her friends and cousins. She was called as walking Lalitha jewellery in a very sweet (read as mocking) manner by all her friends (read as enemies).
She was happy finally to be away from home when she did her graduate course and away from 24 carat stuff for every other festivity. Dreaded things will some how get repeated right?? It was Farewell party and her mom came with jewel boxes to see her darling (in twinkles). Her friends changed the proverb to “All that glitters is GOLD“.
He was a good friend of hers. He was rather good friend of everyone and every other girl had crush against him (read as mad @ him). When she walked to the podium to receive the farewell gift, crowd broke into chorus “All that glitters is GOLD” and “hooray hooray waah”! She cursed Goddess Lakshmi’s gifts (as her mother would advise when she refuses to wear jewels) and sat silently with embarrassment among the non stop laughter.
Oh wait, he was there near her, and calling her softly as “Golden Girl” with a mesmerizing smile in his face. They got married the next month with all blessings (and multiples of 24 carat) from her mom.
He was checking out the gold price headlines from news channel in the morning and predicting the prices for next six month. She hated jewels (read as men) forever.

Bharathy hated home

Bharathy hated home and rather chauvinistic parents. It’s Bharathy who has to wash the plates, to help mom in dish washing, to run on errands for dad, to massage grandpa’s calf muscles, to assist grand ma in folding dried clothes, to do ET all...

Bharathy hated Muthu for so many reasons: for being the only sibling at home and surpass Bharathy’s achievements in this partial world, for getting distinction marks and always roam around with books, for being well versed with Tamil language and steal everyone’s heart at school with impromptu stage speeches, on the spot poems, For being the delicate baby of home and falling sick every other week, for everyone not giving Muthu any kind of mundane!!! household work like Bharathy used to do.

And he hated God for choosing his birthplace in Ettaiyapuram in the same street as once Bharathiyar was born. He hated the fact that both his parents loved this poet and his poems and ideals which was forced on himself and his sister.

He wished for a poet who will sing for the majesty of boy children and advice parents to treat them with due respect that they deserve while they sing praise of their girl children. After all he is not a silly girl hmmmmnn..

Should he change is name to a more macho one after he grow up? probably Shakthivel... no not that it has again Shakthi in it.. probably Shankar.. Again it is similar to girl name Shankari...To hell with girl names and girlish names..and he slept off changing names in his dreams...

First time when you board a flight

It was my first time to travel by flight; it’s a childish pleasure when you do something eventful for the first time. Like the first time you went for a swim, first time you bunked your class and went for a movie….First time you cooked and starved everyone else….
Quite naturally, I was excited and was waiting to experience how it will be like when the plane is going to soar high.

The plane had two seats in two corner columns and five in the centre. I wanted very much to witness the night life at Chennai from above, and got my seat near window. Lucky me I thought!! Not knowing the lurking unusual events sooner to be unfolded.

I have this habit of getting to know people sitting beside me in any train or bus that I travel and possibly strike a good conversation. There was an old gentleman (around 55) who came and boarded the flight at the last minute. He had a brooding face with a casual smirk on his face. Seemed not to be friendly and I decided it’s better to enjoy myself in my own euphoria this time.

The flight is a direct one from Chennai to Atlanta for seventeen hours. Being precautious, I got tidbits from my colleagues how to while away time in a single stretch of 17 hours journey... You better go for strolls in-between else you will feel like a stiff barbeque when you get down. That was the word of caution from everyone.

Ten minutes passed, Uncle Tom (For convenience let’s christen him as Tom for the time being) went to an immediate nap with his eyes revealing blissful gaze as if he is dancing at heaven. I couldn’t have judged him sleeping had he not started with a rhythmic snoring sound.
Dear, what a company!! My conscious was chuckling and said, First time you are flying, your wish to meet a romantic prince is not fulfilled, but you need not have ended up with a snoring Uncle beside you!!!
So What!! I snorted back - Let me enjoy clouds around me and not let Uncle Tom’s snore upset my exhilaration.

Three hours passed and Uncle Tom didn’t even stir. I was astonished and wondered how a person could just sleep without admiring man’s conquest against the mighty sky. What if he is aboard a rocket to space? I wondered whether he will still sleep the same way. Might be, who knows!! Then it striked me, c’mon it might have now become regular for him to spend his sleeping hours in the flight!

I felt bored. Can I just wake him and go for a walk?? He seemed to be blissfully asleep. I am no Samaritan. But I do have some sense not to disturb someone when they take a break from this frenzy world.

What do I do now? Relax my dear; I started humming my favourite song... “Sutrum vizhi …” and was gazing thro the window. Half of the globe was under dark blanket and the other half laden with bright sunlight. Not a daily sight to witness, day and night at the same time…

Four hours passed and still Uncle Tom was still the same, snoring occasionally and yawning. I had a sudden urge to shout at the crowd and suggest for a merry go around… Good gracious!!! How can everyone be turned into Egyptian mummies in an aero plane.
Not bad if I just ask him to give me way and again go back to sleep?
I muttered, Sir, Excuse me (Impersonating a debonair is no easy). .No, he won’t budge. I raised my voice a little and again repeated. He had a good glance and again went back to his sleep... … This is impossible. THIS CANNOT REALLY HAPPEN. WHAT IS HIS GREY CELLS MADE OF?

No other choice, I went back and took a novel I carried, Let me not spoil my mood; let him have all the sleep in his world. After one hour I am really going to chew his ears if he is not going to get up.

Two hours passed, and a lovely airhostess brought steaming food, He just woke up and said its better she wont resort to wake him again for any holy reason. I was not so hungry, so munched a sandwich and continued to read the novel. Goodness I at least brought the book!

As hours passed my excitement got drained and I felt like I was traveling in a bus with the worst ever co passenger I could ever have got. Got to spend ten more hours!
Hmm……

I don’t know whether such an anguish thought had any dry spell over me, I was soon asleep, probably the best spent hours in my journey.

When I woke up, it was only two more hours. I wanted to pop up and run around. I was sure, that was a pretty long nap to call it as one. Can you believe he was still asleep? You can’t but there he was well crouched and divinely asleep.

There was a round of tea served. Flash!!! I had a brilliant idea. With a jerk I spilled my tea over his lap and his blue suit turned with a new design of brown amoeba floating… He should now surely get up and I will have my way! Dear, you are really superb I patted myself

To my horror, He just woke up and again curled back in his couch. THAT WAS A NICE SUIT. He should have called me by all names!!!

Finally to my relief, flight landed. (WO)MAN! Now he has to get up!!
That was when he bothered to utter some words.

Before getting up, He said “Lady you are the most impatient human that I have traveled with after my death “.

I squealed “What? “ - being not able to comprehend what he is coming to say.

He replied “Yeah, in my last flight journey to US three years back, I grew impatient after a young man who was seated in the same seat as yours, made me to get up ten times and I stranded him to death with my tie. I was then executed for homicide. My government gave me capital punishment just because I was impatient. That was too atrocious, isn’t it young lady?”

I was at the verge of losing my sanity. I couldn’t reply back but just stared him…

He said “I spend my time here when I am bored to death “
A dead person getting bored to death! I was aghast at those final words…

When I woke up, I was shivering convulsively and drenched with sweat. Gosh!! I am at home. I am supposed to travel tomorrow…

Next day when I was seated in my window seat, an old gentleman who was beside me said, “Hi, I am Tom; I am traveling to US after spending my vacation here and what about you? “ Do I need to tell you that I was not eager to reply him back??